On Tour!!!

I am thrilled to announce that finally my dear students can get a taste of what I am experiencing here in India. Sri Sharath Rangaswamy, the Ashtanga Yoga teacher and grandson of Guru Sri K. Pattabhi Jois, will be holding 2 weeks of classes in New York City this spring. I will be attending class both weeks and it would be a thrill for my students to accompany me to as many or as few as they would like. Please click here for the details of the tour.

I am looking forward to seeing all my students again and teaching everything that I am learning. Sending you all lots of love from India! XOXO

Acceptance

Yesterday a student confided in me that she is having challenges with her teenage sons, which often leave her incensed. "That's bad, right?" She asked. "I do yoga so I shouldn't feel angry, right?"

I knew what she was facing. For years now whenever I mention to someone that I feel drained, overwhelmed, or angry the typical response is, "But you're a YOGA teacher". As if teaching yoga is equivalent to being high on happy pills 24 hours per day. Make no mistake, I estimate that I do feel content, happy, peaceful, and joyful probably 90% of the time. That doesn't make me immune to feeling grief when a loved one is ill or dying, nor does it prevent me from feeling overwhelmed when I have a zillion things on my to-do list. What it does do is make me more aware of what I am actually feeling in that moment. I no longer feel the need to put on the faux smile and tell others I am "great" when I'm not. I have become more accepting of the present moment in whatever it brings. I encouraged my student to acknowledge her anger the next time it comes up and to take as much time alone as she needs to process it. Pretending it doesn't exist and scolding ourselves for not being the picture of calm will only push those feelings down. The further down they go the more they become the poison that is resentment. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, "resentment is like drinking the poison you intend for someone else". Enough said.

Our yoga practice becomes our dress rehearsal for these situations. A classic overachiever for most of my life, I was quickly humbled when I began practicing Ashtanga yoga. Headstand was rough for me. Scary, difficult, intimidating, frustrating, etc. I spent weeks if not months pretending to not feel those things. Eventually it became impossible for me to wear the facade of "no big deal" on the outside while the fire of all those nasty feelings burned brighter inside. On the brink of giving up, I finally admitted to myself that I was scared and frustrated. Upon acknowledging those things I was able to see deeper into the root of WHY I felt that way. Headstand was just the catalyst for old, dingy fears and judgements to bubble to the surface. I made peace with how I felt. The pose was no longer the end of the line for me. I realized that even if I never achieved the pose itself it had been cause for exploration into my higher self. And that was certainly worth it. In hindsight I came to see that if I could overcome an obstacle such as this maybe I could face challenges off the mat as well.

Only when we accept what IS can we find peace. Not what we want it to be, not what it had been yesterday, but what is here, now, in the present. If acceptance is challenging remember the golden rule: When in doubt, remind yourself that this too is impermanent. It will pass. Knowing that it will not last forever makes the pill of acceptance easier to swallow.

Epiphany

This morning's practice was "interesting". Translation: mentally challenging. I am grateful to be blessed with a physical body that is rarely sick or injured. My mind, on the other hand, has its weak moments. Today was one of them.

My friend, April, is known to say that "a flexible spine is a flexible mind". This morning during Kapotasana (a deep 2nd series backbend) neither one wanted to cooperate. It was almost like watching a movie screen; I saw myself doing the asana, saw myself judge my progress as "not good enough", and proceeded to feel like a kapotasana failure. The only good news was that I was totally AWARE of this as it was happening, which I know is the first step to change. 

I finished my practice and enjoyed the rest thoroughly, yet I was still hung up on this one pose. Not feeling okay with the fact that I couldn't let it go, I decided to take a deep, hard look and ask myself why this was still coming up? Most yoga practitioners know that this is not an easy thing, as the poses typically stir up those parts of us that need examining. For me Kapotasana brought up my deep seeded fear of failure. Failure of not being good enough, whether in my back bends, in my teaching, in my marriage, in my family interactions, etc. I spent much time probing deep into my mind and asking myself a string of "why" questions until I found the root cause of this fear. After meditating to find stillness and practicing acceptance throughout the day I finally feel I have come to peace with it. Here is the kicker though:

THIS WAS NOT THE END OF THE EPIPHANY!!!!

Being a dedicated Ashtangi I try my hardest to pass on the teachings of Guruji and the lineage to all my students, as most teachers of this tradition do. Somewhere though, the western translation has been muddled. The poses are a means to strengthen the mind. Yes, they will strengthen the body as well, but that is simply a by-product of the practice. Yet, for many of us this is where we get hung up (Kapotasana anyone?). We understand that we need to be adaptable and accepting and find a balance between our practice and daily responsibilities. Yet, we STILL judge ourselves when we don't bind or feel guilty if we cut our practice short once in a while. The deeper I dig the more I realize that this is not what Guruji is trying to pass on.

Sharath tells us that doing advanced asana does not create enlightenment. It is the mental absorption that brings transformation. Sun salutes, if done with the right state of mind, can trigger self realization. Advanced asana, if done for egoic purposes, will not. Saraswati, Guruji's daughter, recently gave an interview discussing how to mesh one's practice with having a job, a home, and a family. Frankly, she doesn't emphasize the asana as being super important. Rather, strength of MIND is what makes the difference. This can be practiced with or without a yoga mat. Guruji himself is known to say that Ashtanga Yoga is a "breathing practice and the rest is just bending". So if these are the roots of the Ashtanga method, then who the heck put so much emphasis on doing the poses perfectly? Drumroll please......US!!!!!!!!!

Many feel that Ashtanga Yoga is only for the physically strong, young, fit, and healthy population. To this I pass on the answer that Sharath gave to me when I spoke to him in person about this very issue just a few months ago. "Teach to your audience. Advanced poses do not equal enlightenment. Who says that one cannot become self-realized doing sun salutes and standing poses only? It is a state of mind that dictates the outcome of practice."

My conclusions are these: Ashtanga Yoga did not inject me with my fear of failure. Rather, it brought to the surface something it might have taken much longer to work through had I not been doing this practice. The next time I am struggling with attachment to our asana practice I vow to recognize it for what it is: weakness of mind. Ashtanga Yoga, just like anything else, is what you make of it. If it is about having a great asana practice you will face those issues. If it is about strengthening your mind you will be able to practice it for a lifetime.

A yoga student in Miami!

Buenos Dias from the land of South Beach, Florida. I am happy to announce that I am here as nothing more than a yoga student. No teaching, no planning, just learning. Kino MacGregor and Tim Feldmann have been my teachers since Sunday.....and all I can say is WOW! 

It is so humbling to be in the presence of such wise, knowledgeable, and compassionate teachers. Not to mention relatable. Practicing 2nd series in a room with strong energy and super strong teachers has encouraged me to face my demons head on. Without a doubt, Kino and Tim can sense when my demons are approaching. At the precise moment when I want to retreat from the challenge one of them appears on my mat and supports me when I don't think my mind can carry me through. With their encouragement I somehow come out the other side, proud of myself for digging up the courage to even try. If we were able to do this ourselves all the time we would not need teachers. I am grateful to have found 2 amazing ones this week. 

Of course the hot, sunny weather and swimming in the salt water don't hurt either! I am truly grateful to have the time to process all that I am learning before running off to the next thing on my to-do list.

Above are photos of Kino and Tim adjusting at their studio, Miami Life Center, which they own with Greg Nardi, an amazing Ashtanga teacher in his own right. All levels are welcome, as they view their center as a spiritual home for all people. 

AAAAAHHHHH!

I am settling into life in India well and getting a handle on what I want my stay to be like. In addition to practice at the Yoga Shala and chanting lessons with Dr. Jayashree (which I begin tomorrow) the rest will just appear at the right time. Needless to say it has already started! I brought a huge stack of books with me and for some reason I opened up Spiritual Growth: Being Your Higher Self by Sanaya Roman. In the words of my dear friend, April, "it is spiritually juicy". I am not sure what I was looking for to take me super deep into awareness but this book is definitely it and I firmly believe I am reading it now for a reason.

This is one of the reasons why I find my time in India to be so powerful. All those books, tools, and techniques that can reunite us with our higher self -the same tools and tricks we sweep under the rug at home because we are too busy- can be used, absorbed, and integrated into our daily existence. Too often I have heard people say that after their early morning practice in Mysore they don't know what to do all day (this sometimes heard firsthand, sometimes from hearsay). I can only say that if you choose to do nothing then that is what you will get. While it is important to allow others to teach us we must remember that we are our own built in Guru and, unlike other teachers, are with ourselves all the time and can use every moment as a teaching or as ignorance. Just as life at home is what we make of it, so is life in India. If we are waiting for lightning to strike to get us off our butt and change then we are going to be waiting a VERY long time. Why waste the NOW waiting for the right teacher, class, practice, etc? Why will the universe send us these perfect things if it sees we aren't appreciative for what we have already?

To quote another friend, Angelique, "Flow...but do".

Back to the Motherland

I am in India and happy to say that I, along with all of my luggage and my sanity, have arrived in Mysore intact! The journey is long but worth it. I basically use the time in transit to sleep (a lot), take tons of vitamins, hydrate, eat light (if at all), watch a movie or two and I arrive feeling rested and ready to go. After 16 hours on an airplane I was relieved that my driver was the rare kind whom did not play Bollywood music to a defeaning level. Instead he blared Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA". Listening to that while driving on the opposite side of the road, dodging cattle and Mack trucks alike, smelling that sometimes good/sometimes awful India fragrance, whizzing past coconut palms I can only say that I felt enveloped in a warped but happy parallel universe.

At 6am local time I arrived at Geetha's house where she greeted me with a bear hug and "welcome home". I did my practice in my room this morning since I barely missed the shala class and it felt great to move after all that traveling. It was warm and inviting (did I mention it is 95 degrees here today and super humid). After Yoga and a shower I felt myself teeter on the brink of starvation when my self proclaimed Indian mother greeted me with a delicious breakfast of roasted semolina with vegetables and pineapple. Delish and healthy, of course. I absolutely feel like I am at my second home here. The 2.5 hour drive alone reminded me how amazing it is that I have a month here to be nothing but a student of yoga and of life. I am ready to relish every moment and learn as much as I can.

So far nothing out of the ordinary to report unless of course you count the zillions of little things that you can only see in India as part of that category. Women riding on motorcycles side-saddle in their saris, people carrying brings on their heads, the harmless chaos at the airport baggage claim, kids chasing your car with flower garlands they hope you will buy......etc. It never ends.

I am off to continue my assimilation into life in a foreign land. Peace and Love to you.